Calm, Ready, No Longer Afraid, The Mud

If it’s alright with you, I’d like to try something. I’d like to try splattering a few non-related paragraphs, varying in topic, on the page today and see where we end up. Sound good? Good. Let’s get started…

I’ve had to train Dirt to be calm. Let me repeat. I’ve had to train Dirt to be calm. Calm. A word I never gave much thought to the first chunk of my life. Calm. It’s even peaceful to say. Let’s say it out loud. Calm. Once more, and say it with me this time. Calm. Nice, isn’t it? I know. It’s one of those words where the definition matches the phonology. Much different than a word like clerical, for example.

I'm scared of the calm. Or, let me put it this way: I’m not used to the calm. Especially in a relationship. If there’s not some sort of conflict or something to be fixed, you’ll catch me looking under every rug just to make sure we ain’t hiding something.

It’s true. Your dog really is your mirror. When I started thinking of ways to translate calmness to Dirt, I noticed a slight shift in myself. It was obvious that in order for me to communicate calmness to Dirt, I first had to be calm.

Prepping for a relationship is like being a doomsday prepper. We can buy all the water filtration systems, toilet paper, and MREs to last a lifetime, but until an asteroid smacks into Earth, all we’re really doing is crossing our fingers and praying we’ve prepared correctly for the far-out catastrophic event we know is almost certainly not going to happen in our lifetime.

Same as, we can read all the books, spend hours in therapy, and transform our physique into a modern version of Achilles, but none of it has any relevance to the success or failure of a relationship until those skills are tested. In other words, we can read all the “how to play guitar” books we want, but until we put our fingers on the strings, all we can do is assume we know how to play. There is never a time when we can say, without subjectivity, that we’re ready for a relationship.

Some of us are so afraid of heartbreak (Dirt) that we obsess over the idea of not yet being ready to a fault. We get stuck getting ready, and we find validity in our excuse for being afraid.

Not being ready certainly has a place. There are many times when we go through things where we need time to reflect, grow, learn, grieve, change, etc…, I’ve found that we typically know when it’s time for those, but we struggle to find the time or place to admit we’re ready to try again or try at all.

Again, this is my experience. I’ve noticed a great deal of my friends never having this type of issue. They have a good relationship with, well, relationships.

What if we lose the idea of being ready, as if there’s prep work to do, and just decide to no longer be afraid?

As opposed to saying, “I’m not ready,” I’ve started to say, “I’m not afraid.” Try it and let us know how it feels. Subtle changes in how we speak to ourselves can make a tremendous difference.

Research has shown, petting a dog reduces cortisol levels and increases the good-feeling hormone, oxytocin. It takes around six seconds for oxytocin to be released once the petting begins.

Do we have any cuddlers out there? I hope so. Because guess what else science has shown? Couples who cuddle tend to stay together longer. Couples who frequently hold hands, kiss goodbye before heading to work, or hello when they get home, also have a higher rate of success.

This is a great interview to listen to this week.

I’ve seen some research suggesting that couples who have dogs tend to have lower stress levels when they disagree or are in the midst of an argument, but I need to do more research on this.

I would love to know if anyone has any personal experience regarding this specific topic.

“Dad?”

“Yes, Mud.”

“I got an idea.”

“Here we go.” Dirt muttered, always having to chime in.

“What’s on your mind, Mud Man?”

“Well, I was just thinking, Dirt has the website, Instagram, the name, and all the toys…”

“Whoa!” Dirt interrupted. “I don’t like where this is headed. I don’t like where this is headed at all. Are you trying to get nipped?”

“Dirt, let him finish,” I said. “And he’s not wrong. Go ahead, Mud.”

“I was just gonna say, I thought maybe I could send something out to the people. Nothing materialistic like Dirt, but just a simple something email with some muddy goodness to help break up the work week.”

“Terrible idea. Absolutely terrible.” Dirt immediately eighty-sixed the idea.

“Mud,” I told him. “I think that’s a fantastic idea.”

“Really!?” He exclaimed.

“Absolutely! Let’s do it.”

Mud’s been quietly working hard to put together a separate email to send each week and he wants to call it “THE MUD.” So be on the lookout in the coming weeks as we roll this out. We’re thinking Thursdays. As of now, he plans to include the following:

Muddy Motivation

one motivational and inspirational thing Mud learns each week.

Updates

A few things we are using and can recommend in some of these areas: (music, podcasts, books, toys, gadgets, facts, and stats,.) Mostly dog-related but not always.

Deliberate or Discover

An idea or question to deliberate and ponder for the week

Or

Share some of the amazing people and dogs we’ve discovered along the way.

Mud is calm. Dirt is ready. Neither one are afraid. Their Dad? Well.

Maybe being calm while also being ready is a version of not being afraid? Maybe. Right now, I think I just want to cuddle.

Stay Dirty!

Have a great week!