Hey Westminster!

Thomas Hall, AKA “Hall’s Heelers,” crossed the Blue-Speckled Collie with the Dingo to create the first batch of Cow Dogs. Now, I don’t know this first certain, but I have a hunch that Mr. Hall quickly realized mixing the two created more of a Velociraptor than a functional cow herding canine, and it wasn’t long before he threw some Dalmatian and Kelpie in the mix to tone down the “raging lunatic” to just “lunatic.”

Well, Mr. Hall, you did a fine job, sir. However, just because I can’t do long division doesn’t mean I can’t tell when something doesn’t quite add up. Seems to me, Mr. Hall, that you threw together a bunch of “full breeds,” one of which is completely feral, and decided to stick with what stuck. Might as well have mixed an orangoutang with an armadillo! Tomato, to-mah-to, I guess.

Either which way, according to the AKC, Dirt’s as full-bred as a fresh loaf of sourdough, while Mud is anything but. And like clockwork, every year when the Westminster Dog Show is on TV, Dirt demands we watch it until the Cattle Dog gets eliminated. And every year, like clockwork, I have to explain to Mud (and myself) why the Westminster Kennel Club has yet to incorporate a category for the full-bred Mutt, or “rescue.”

Let me be honest for a second. I mean, really honest. Because I have to confess, Mud might be, just barely, microscopically, a tad easier to deal with than his brother. Doesn’t mean I like Mud more, per se. I’m just saying that in some very distinct areas, he might be a tad easier to deal with. That’s all. And I’ll even admit, it’s directly related to the fact that Dirt and I rescued him off the side of the road.

I have more empathy toward him because I can not only relate to his abandonment issues but also because I remember so vividly how I felt seeing his little twelve-week-old booty on the side of the road. It just did something to my heartstrings. Or maybe it felt a bit like looking into my past.

Nowadays, he might not realize it, but I feel like I have to remind him he doesn’t owe me anything. Sometimes, it’s as if he thinks it’s “my house, and he just lives here.” But it’s not. It’s his home. And it’s Dirt’s home. It’s our home. He doesnt have to pay rent by being a sweet dog. We all deserve a home. It makes no difference who pays for the damn thing or who tears up the toilet paper. Everything deserves a home.

I used to think getting a rescue or a mutt was something to make us feel good. But now I know they’re not the ones being rescued; they’re rescuing us. And if it is, in fact, true that your dog is your mirror, wouldn’t it also have to be true that there must be quite a bit of us feeling we need to be saved?

If 65% of all dog owners in America own a rescue… Well, I’ll let you do the math.

So, with that said, Mud has a little public service announcement:

Hey, Westminster, we think it’s about time to give all the mutts, the rescues, and the misfits a home in your bougie little dog show. In case you haven’t noticed, there’s an overwhelming number of Americans who feel they need our “emotional support.” I have a feeling it certainly won’t hurt your ratings.

Your friend,

Mud

Full Bred Mutt

(30.8% American Pit Bull Terrier, 28.6% Basset Hound, 11.9%  Chow Chow, 9.5% German Shepherd Dog, 7.6% Labrador Retriever, 4.1% American Staffordshire Terrier)

Stay Muddy!