Public Life, Private Life, Secret Life

Recently, I’ve been obsessed with true crime—especially serial killers. They’re terrifyingly fascinating, and I’m addicted. I know, right? What is that!? I have trouble sleeping as it is, now, this?

I’ll catch myself thinking of every relatable behavior the “behavioral psychologists” say portrays the typical characteristics of a serial killer and freak myself out.

“Wait. What? Serial killers love to eat cereal? But I like cereal too! Oh God! Am I going to be a cereal killer!?”

I run downstairs and immediately dump all the Fruit Loops in the trash.

You know, that kind of thing.

One of the true-crime YouTube channels I’ve been into recently, The Interview Room, breaks down these “psychological behaviors” into layman's terms.

The show is full of zingers, but one that’s stuck with me is the idea that everybody has a public life, a private life, and a secret life.

Right about now, you’re probably thinking, secret life? Do I have a secret life?

The answer: Yes. You do. Not to be parenthetical or mansplain, but this is how it looks:

Public life: You’re a politician

Private life: You like to eat Cheetos in your underwear and watch Sex In The City reruns.

Secret life: Those websites you visit…

It's crazy to think, but dogs don't have this. They lay it all out in the yard. Even secretly hiding a bone is not a secret. It’s more of a survival instinct—a saving-it-for-later tactic.

There’s a difference between a secret hiding place for rainy-day rations and a secret aspect of our lives we keep hidden. One is for survival, and the other is to avoid shame, guilt, or potential career downfall.

It’s tricky to know what to keep secret and what to share. Typically, the secrets we keep in our secret life, we would never even think to share. But when we do, the question becomes, who do we share it with? When is the right time? Now, to be clear, I'm not talking about criminal stuff. If you're a serial killer in your secret life, I’m pretty sure you won't be reading this, but if so, please put the Fruit Loops down.

If we all admit to having a false bottom to at least one of our dresser drawers, we could also decide not to go snooping for it whenever our partner leaves the house. Not to mention the irony.

A diary is a diary, a hidden bone is a hidden bone, and Sex and the City is now streaming on Netflix. You’re welcome.